Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Intention Dec 17

I go throughout my day joyfully calm.

(Modality:  Elephant hearing)

I have been angry at work the last few days.  The quiet, boiling under the surface anger.  The don't speak or I will burst into tears anger. (UGH at crying when I am angry...drives me crazy.)  The laugh at things but underneath so angry that I get headaches.

So my intention today is to stop it.  Not to hide the anger.  Not to show it.  To not have it.

I think people are doing the best they know how.  You know, the quote "when you know better, you do better".  So part of my anger is definitely toward myself.  How do I help them know better?  How do I help change behavior?  I know you have to change beliefs first.  And that is hard.  And slow.

So I need to be kind to others in their process.  And kind to myself in my own.  We will get there.  I don't know how...but we will.  We have to.

Until anger...only hope.

On another note, I ran 4.3 miles last night.  This has become a consistent every other day thing.  Amazing.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Weight In: Week 4

CW 200.2
PW 202.4

- 2.2


Intention 7/7
Eating 7/7
RR-- lost track

Only weighed on Tuesday.

I struggled a lot with only weighing in on Tuesday.  I wanted to see what a big run did...or eating or whatever.  It was good to push through and follow through.  Scale is secondary, inputs are what counts.

Of course I would like to be below 200.  That will come.  I need to settle in for the long haul of healthy living/eating/thinking/moving.  The rest will take care of itself. 

I don't know how to eat with the amount of running I am doing.  I worry that I am not eating enough.  Or enough of the right things.  So I am trying to work on it.  Running or not, I need to eat more vegetables.

It is busy with programs and dinners and everything.  I am not as ready present-wise as usual.  My goal is to have everything done as soon into break as possible so I can just relax.  And clean the house.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Intention Dec 11

I lose weight rapidly and efficiently.

(Modality:  breathing)

So H and I ran 3.7 miles last night.  Then I ran 2.6 miles BY MYSELF this morning.  So 6.3 miles in 12 hours.  The reason for caps is that I think I have turned a corner in running.  I will run by myself.  I prefer running with H...but I liked running this morning with just music.  I have a really strange group of running music that I just put on shuffle and it was fun to see what came next.

Then I came home to an email that made work start for me early.  And then it was on for the rest of the day.  Ended the day with a reading night at the sweet girl's school.

I am tired.  I am going to bed.

Inputs are all in places.  Seem to be going strong.  Working to continue that pattern.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Intention Dec 10

I am going to keep my intention for today private...but record here that I have one.

(Modality:  Visualization)

Resisting the temptation to stand on the scale.  Drinking a ton of water because 1) I am thirsty and 2) I won't want to weigh after drinking a bunch of water.  lol

Wanting to weigh so badly let's me know that in my heart I am still focused on the output.  The result...the part I can't control.  So it is also a exercise in controlling what I can and should and letting the rest fall into place.  That is a big life lesson for me.  So as I practice with a small thing (the scale), then I will have more "muscle" to practice with other things.

There is a bit of that with running too.  We have switched and are running 4 minutes then walking 1 minute.  It has really helped.  If I start out thinking 4 miles or 6 miles, my brain immediately starts to panic.  But when I think about 12 intervals or 14 or 24 then I just start.  I do a bunch of math in my head while I am running (embracing my nerd) until I get exhausted and I can't do math any more.  That is a special kind of tired for me. ;-)

Mental games.  That is what it all really boils down to.  The things I tell my brain or the way I train my mind...whether it is scales, eating, running, relationships, careers, whatever.  Training the mind...that is the real output.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Weigh In Week 3

CW 202.4
PW 207.6

- 5.2


Intention 7/7
Eating 7/7
RR 7/7

Proof that inputs are the key for me.

This week I continue the same and add only weighing on Tuesday. That will be hard, but I am turning into a daily/hourly weigher.  Crazy.  Also despite efforts in the last few months 199 seems to be an elusive mirage.  I don't want to make myself crazy as I get closer and closer.  Just do the inputs, keep running, keep working on relaxing and being kind to myself.  Once a week weighing for me right now is part of that.

Intention Dec 9

I am joyfully productive.

(Modality:  visualization)

Monday, December 8, 2014

Intention Dec 8

Peaceful rest.

(Modality:  visualization)

Sweet girl stayed home from school today and I stayed with her.  Interesting day.  She is ok now and will go to school tomorrow.

I had a really good RR session with my practitioner today.  More joy than in a long time.  And a few things I am excited about.  Seeing things come full circle.  Worked on energy about thriving in life.  Good stuff.

Just got home from running 4.5 miles.  So amazing.  If you had told me even 6 months ago that I would be running this much I wouldn't have believed it.  It is good to have a goal and something to work toward.

Headed to bed.